


Careful When Playing God

by dannihowell (iguessicantry)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Eating Disorders, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, M/M, Physical Abuse, Psychological Drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-30
Updated: 2016-07-30
Packaged: 2018-07-27 14:54:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7623019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iguessicantry/pseuds/dannihowell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil falls for Dan, the arrogant rich boy on campus. Their relationship rapidly deteriorates and ends in death. One will survive to tell the tale while the other still lurks in the shadows.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Careful When Playing God

“Good morning, everyone. Today we’ll be hearing from uh- Mr Lester?” the professor announced as the class settled into their seats.  Phil took a gulp at the sound of his name. Ann made the gesture for him to rise and he made his way to the front of the lecture hall. As he approached the podium, his knees began to wobble and his face turned noticeably green. He covered his mouth as the students up front sneered at him, making noises of disgust. He turned to face the people in the front row and fled. He pushed through the large wooden door of the hall, rushing to find the toilets.

Running into the restrooms the way he did then making sick noises brought Phil some unwanted attention.

“You alright, mate?” the boy standing by the sink chuckled.

“Ugh, no.”

“There are other ways to lose weight, you know?”

Phil furrowed his brow at the horribly insensitive joke and stood up from the dirty tile. “Was that supposed to be funny?” he asked going to the sink to wash out his mouth.

“You didn’t like it? Oh,–”

“No, I didn’t!”

“Calm down,” the boy laughed. “No need to get hostile. Is someone a little sensitive?” he asked condescendingly, leaning against the wall, watching Phil’s movements in the glass.

“Leave me alone.”

“Oh, what’s wrong? Forgot your manners?”

“Look, I was bulimic when I was younger. I don’t appreciate your jokes. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get back to lecture.” Phil took a paper towel from the dispenser, threw it away and without glancing at the tall boy in the leather jacket, reached out to open the door.

The boy stood in front of him to block his path.

“Let me out,” Phil demanded pushing again.

“No, not until you accept my deepest apology.”

“Fuck off.”

“That’s not very nice, is it?”

The boy pushed Phil against the wall, held his wrists and told him, “Look, I’m sorry. Really. Can I make it up to you?”

Phil struggled against the boy’s strong grip and listened to his words. “You can let me go to start off,” Phil snapped but the boy only tightened his grip.

“Accept my apology and I’ll let you go,” he bargained.

“Fine. I accept.”

“Good,” he smirked, still not loosening his grip. He had a dimple on his left cheek and the way his smiled with his lips upturned, it became visible. Phil noticed that the creep holding him up against a bathroom wall was pretty attractive and he knew it.

“Are you going to let me go?” Phil asked exasperatedly.

“What’s your name?” the boy asked, completely ignoring him and moving his eyes all over Phil’s features. Phil saw the way he was looking at him and got a little scared but a little flattered too. It was strange.

“Phil,” he mumbled.

“I’m Dan,” the boy said as if he was speaking to a child. “And I think you’re cute.”

Phil looked up into Dan’s face, blushed and looked down again. “Dan, I really need to go,” he said quietly.

“Give me your number so we can do this again sometime,” Dan whispered into his ear, getting a little too close for Phil to think clearly.

“Okay, gimme your phone,” Phil said timidly and tried to hide his smile.

* * *

A week later Phil was trying to find his way to the restaurant where they’d agreed on meeting. He was nervous and excited at the same time. Checking his watch Phil was a few minutes late so he sped up and almost bumped into someone as he turned a corner.

“Phil!” Dan exclaimed.

“Dan!” Phil said just as surprised. “I-I couldn’t find my way.”

“Well you’re here now! You ready to go inside?”

Phil nodded and Dan guided them inside.

They were seated at a table by the window and Dan ordered the same food for both of them forgetting to ask Phil what he wanted.

“Or was it okay that I ordered for you as well?” Dan asked, as he realized what he’d done.

Phil nodded nervously and fiddled with the end of his sleeve. “I suppose so,” he mumbled.

“You don’t have to be so nervous,” Dan chuckled placing his hand palm up on the table.

Phil looked down at Dan’s hand for a moment, wondering if he were supposed to hold it?

“Go on, take it!” Dan demanded and Phil did as he was told. “See, that wasn’t very scary, now was it?”

Phil gave Dan a faint smile. “No it wasn’t.”

Dan returned his smile and leaned in closer. “Sometimes you’re so cute I just want to kiss you,” he whispered.

Phil bit his bottom lip and he could feel the blush spreading across his cheeks.

“You just wait until we get out of there,” Dan winked.

They got their food and the dinner went on. Dan kept showering Phil in nice compliments and comments. Phil did his best to return the kind words, but even then Dan would compliment Phil for being so kind and polite.

Having almost finished his plate Phil started picking at his food. He was too nervous to get much down, looking across the table to Dan who was already finished. Phil didn’t want to keep him waiting so figured he’d just say he was done. Putting his knife and fork down Dan let out a small cough.

“What?” Phil asked.

“You have to eat up or you’re going to make me worry.”

“Because I used to be bulimic?” Phil asked, suddenly regretting that he had told Dan at all. People always looked at him differently once they knew.

Dan shrugged. “I don’t want you to leave hungry.”

“I’m full.”

“You sure, love?”

Phil could feel butterflies in his stomach and nodded.

“Well then lets get out of here,” Dan said picking Phil’s hand and getting up.

Outside the restaurant the rain was pelting down.

“Which way are you heading?” Dan asked Phil. “I’ll walk you home.”

“Oh, you don’t have to.”

“But I want to!” Dan insisted and wrapped an arm around Phil’s waist. “I think I saw a shop just round the corner from here, they might be selling umbrellas.”

Phil nodded and Dan let the way, buying a small umbrella for them to share.

“This is cosy,” Dan said as they made their way towards the tube.

“Yeah,” Phil agreed. “I had a good time today.”

“So did I. Do you want to do this again sometime?”

“That’d be nice.”

“/That’d be nice/?” Dan mimicked him. “It’ll be better than nice! I’ll be the greatest date in history!”

Phil giggled. “Then what about tonight?”

Dan thought for a second. “Well at the moment this is the greatest date in history! But once we’ve had a second date it’ll only be the second greatest one. Fair enough?”

“Fair enough.”

Half an hour later they stopped outside Phil’s front door. It had stopped raining but they still used the umbrella as an excuse to walk closer than they otherwise would.

“This is you?” Dan asked.

“Yeah.”

“This house is huge!”

“I live with my parents,” Phil explained.

“Oh, well you can always come stay with me whenever they’re starting to get on your nerves,” Dan said. “I live on my own.”

“I might,” Phil paused looking up at his dark house and then back at Dan. “So I’ll see you next week?”

“Yes, you will,” Dan agreed. “But you better not be late next time!”

“Neither should you,” Phil joked.

“I mean it.”

They both stood quiet for awhile, Phil unsure if he should just go inside or wait for Dan to leave.

“See you around,” Phil said again, not moving from his spot.

Dan nodded and took a step closer to Phil, lowering his gaze to Phil’s lips.

“Um, Dan?” Phil asked nervous.

“What?” Dan asked not moving his gaze.

Phil was about to say something but he could suddenly feel Dan’s lips against his and forgot everything else for a moment.

Dan’s hands slipped into Phil’s back pocket, keeping him close and Dan’s lips moved with his. Phil was so surprised by it all that he didn’t respond for a few seconds then he hesitantly put his arms around Dan’s neck bringing him closer still. It was sweet and simple and Phil was already falling head over heels.

***

Two months later Dan and Phil were sat on the grass of the university lawn talking and planning their weekend.

“Watch my stuff?” Dan asked as he got up to use the bathroom. Phil nodded yes and watched as his boyfriend strolled into the small coffee shop. He laid down on the grass and picked up the novel he was reading for his Philosophy class. Before he got to the second paragraph, he heard someone speaking right above him. He shield his eyes with hand, to block out the sun and looked up. There was a reasonably tall guy looking down at him with a smile.

“What are you reading?”

“Um, The Sunflower,” Phil said confusedly. Why didn’t he just look at the title? Why is he even asking?

“Hey, I think we have the same professor,” he said to Phil.

“Maybe. The class is pretty big.”

The stranger sat down on the grass next to him, reached out his hand and said, “Hi, I’m Oliver but you can call me Ollie.”

“Nice to meet you, Ollie… I’m Phil,” he said hesitantly, putting his book down, on top of his backpack.

“Hi, Phil. Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah?”

“Why are you sitting out here by yourself?” Ollie asked, leaning in a little. Phil, too oblivious to his advances, told him, “But, I’m not by myself.”

“I don’t see anyone else here. Tell me Phil, do you have a boyfriend–”

“Yes, he does. My name is Dan and I suggest you run,” Dan warned, clenching his fists.

“Sorry, he didn’t say anything.” Ollie got up from his spot on the grass and backed away from Dan.

“Phil, let’s go.”

Phil packed his bag quickly while Dan walked towards the entrance of the school. Phil hastily followed him. Dan walked in front of him the entire time with a scowl on his face. He opened the glass door to his apartment building, looked back to see Phil finally catching up and walked in without holding the door. Phil finally caught him at the elevators

“It wasn’t my fault,” Phil told him. “You know I wouldn’t do that to you.”

Dan glared down at him, telling him to keep quiet and that he wasn’t forgiven.

The bell for the elevators dinged and the doors slid open. Dan stepped inside first and Phil followed with his head down. The bell dinged again, the doors closed and Dan’s hands were on Phil’s forearms.

“Please, I–”

“What Phil? What?” Dan growled.

“I didn’t mean to talk to him. He just came over,” Phil whimpered.

“Why didn’t you get rid of him?”

The doors opens on the penthouse floor and Dan dragged Phil to the door. “Don’t move.”

Phil knew he couldn’t win so he nodded and complied. Dan open the door to the rather large flat and pulled Phil inside. He shut the door behind him.

“You are such a fucking liar!” Dan shouted at him, approaching him steadily. Phil back out of the foyer, into the living room and found himself caged in between Dan and the wall. He couldn’t run so he just closed his eyes and prepared himself.

The first blow was to the stomach. Phil doubled over in pain and groaned, “I’m sorry.”

“Shut up!” Dan picked up Phil’s upper body and punched him again in the same spot. Phil fell over that time. Dan backed away to watch him fall. He looked Phil in the eye and kicked him. Hard. Dan spat on him, mumbling, “Maybe you’ll remember the rules this time.”

“I’m sorry,” Phil whimpered.  
“Now you are.”

* * *

 

Three Months Later

Phil was visiting his parents for the holidays, the only time Dan allowed him to. Otherwise Dan didn’t allow Phil to see his parents and Phil would lie to them, usually saying that he was busy with school. Dan insisted on coming along to ‘meet them’.  Phil knew it was because Dan didn’t want him to tell them. Phil was now living with Dan in his upscale flat that his father paid for while Dan attended Uni. Phil doesn’t really go anywhere without Dan by his side. He only wears long sleeve shirts to hide the bruises and his thinning body. He kept thinking to himself, ‘How did I get here? Why do I let him to do this?’ The answer was simple: Phil didn’t choose the beatings. Dan controlled him. Phil was in love with him and couldn’t leave him even though Dan was abusive and took advantage of that. Phil didn’t make a move without his say so. If they were sat on the sofa together and Phil needed to use the bathroom, he’d have to ask. There were no dates anymore. No soft kisses in the morning and no freedom. Phil had been to hospital more times than he’s proud to admit for various injuries ‘sustained while in the home.’ He had gotten quieter around people but no one noticed. He wasn’t exactly a social butterfly before he started going with Dan.

The nights were the worst. Dan never asked, he just did what he wanted and Phil never uttered a single word other than ‘hurts’. Dan simply placed his hand over Phil’s lips and continued.

“So, Dan what do your parents do?” Phil’s mum asked passing the potatoes to him.

“My father’s a lawyer and my mum passed away when I was young,” he answered.

“Oh, that’s too bad. Are you and your father close?”

“I guess you can say that. He spoils me. But you can’t blame him, I’m his only child,” Dan went on. He had his hand gripped tight on Phil’s knee, silently telling him to watch what he ate. Dan didn’t like it when he gained weight. Phil took a normal size serving of potatoes and meat. He looked to Dan for permission to eat and he nodded. Dan didn’t want his mother asking why her son wasn’t eating her home cooking after he hasn’t been visiting for so long. Phil picked up his fork shakily and went on eating.

“Phil, why are you so quiet?” he father asked, taking a sip of his drink.

“Just tired. A lot to do in school.”

“Okay,” he said, accepting the shoddy excuse. “So Dan, what are you studying?”

“Law. I’ll join my father’s firm after grad.”

“That’s good. So you’re all set to start your life?” Phil’s mum said.

“I think so. Phil will be there too,” he smiled at her.

“Aw, that’s sweet,” she gushed.

The grip on Phil’s knee got even tighter and he gulped at the thought of staying with Dan for another night, much less the rest of his life.

***

Dinner ended and they all retired to the living room for coffee and cake. When the night ended and his parents said good night, Phil felt Dan’s hand take his wrist. “Show me where the bathroom is,” he demanded. Phil pointed to the door down the hall and Dan pulled him towards it.

“You know what to do,” Dan said, pushing Phil through the door and locking it behind them. Dan turned on the shower and turned to face Phil. Phil got on to his knees and leaned over the toilet bowl. He looked up at Dan once more, saw his glare and lifted his finger to his open mouth and stuck it in. He touched his gag reflex and threw up.

Dan smacked the back of his head for being too loud so Phil tried to control his sounds but nothing changed. When he was done, Dan shut off the shower and walked back to Phil’s old bedroom. Phil laid his head on the toilet seat, not moving yet, thinking about how to get away from Dan. He was getting increasingly weaker both physically and emotionally. Dan didn’t let him eat and he would humiliate him every chance he got.

Phil eventually washed his mouth out at the sink and returned to his bedroom where he found Dan waiting for him. The next morning, Phil had bruises on his waistline, skillfully hidden by a large t-shirt.

***

Dan was sitting in the living room with Phil’s dad and Phil was in the kitchen with his mum. She had called him in to help her with lunch and to ask him something.

“Phil, I’m concerned,” she spoke softly.

“What? Why?”

“You’re very thin again. Did you have a relapse?”

He shook his head slowly.

“Then why are you losing weight? I can tell. You haven’t looked this sick since…” she trailed off.

“I’ve just been stressed and stop eating regularly. Finals were rough, mum,” he told her.

“Okay. Promise me you’ll take care of yourself, hmm? Come and visit us.”

Phil smiled at her and said, “Yeah, I will.”

Phil’s brother, James, had died when he was a teenager. He was only a year older and they were pretty close. When he died in a traffic accident, Phil took it hard. He’d fallen into a cycle of trying to control everything in his life only to have it ruined by circumstance. He stopped eating but found that made him too lightheaded to hide it. He switched to purging so he could keep eating but control his weight. He needed to control something, anything. Things had changed after the accident. Everyone looked at him differently, like they felt sorry for him. He was openly gay and no seemed to care when James was around. But after he died, the bullies taunted him with slurs and reminders of his dead brother. His parents had found him passed out on the bathroom floor and he started treatment that very same night. They reminded him that they loved him and he eventually recovered. Before he met Dan, he hadn’t purged for three years, something he was proud of. He was steadily becoming stronger in all senses of the word and now all that hard work was lost.

Phil walked back into the living room, taking his place next to Dan. Dan whispered, “What did you tell her?”

“Nothing. She asked me how final exams were”

“Good.”

They left a few days later and Phil desperately wanted to them about the abuse but as he opened his mouth to say something, Dan hugged his mum goodbye. She said, “You take good care of this one, Phil. He’s a keeper.”

* * *

 

Three weeks later, they had a fight. An actual fight where Phil threatened to leave, had him packing his bags and Dan begging him to stay. This was different and Phil felt powerful for once. But then Dan did the unimaginable. He kissed him. It was that passionate kind of kiss that left Phil weak at the knees and in Dan’s bed once more. When they had finished, Phil had forgotten what they were fighting about and Dan held him close as night fell. It was 9:01 pm that night that Phil decided to get away. He couldn’t keep doing this, letting Dan beat him then apologize only to be beaten again. The moment they just had was nice, but rare. Dan wasn’t ever this loving or tender. Phil had believed that Dan would change, that Phil would learn all of Dan’s rules and that they would finally live happily ever after. But Dan was only using him. If Phil wouldn’t have threatened to leave Dan wouldn’t have kissed him. Phil had to remember that very same morning when Dan smacked him for answering the phone to remind himself of how Dan truly was. Phil was going to pack. He going to leave in the middle of the night and never look back.

* * *

The next day when Dan was in the shower, Phil packed a bag of clothes and hid it in the closet by the door. He straightened up when he heard the shower turn off. He felt a little dizzy from not eating but made his way to the bedroom to sit on the bed. He wasn’t supposed to move from that spot until Dan said he could.

Dan came out of the shower, drying his hair with the towel.

“You think you can fool me?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You moved. What were you doing, Phil?” he asked putting on a pair of boxer briefs and his jeans.

“Nothing. I went to put the wash away, Dan.”

Dan looked at him suspiciously. He walked over to him, bent his body. He said, looking straight into Phil’s eyes, “You know I’ll kill you.”

“Yes,” Phil whimpered.

“Good. Go take your shower. We’re going out.”

Phil rushed to the bathroom and did as he said. Within 15 minutes, Phil was showered dressed and ready to go. He didn’t dare to keep Dan waiting.

* * *

 

They came back to the flat later that night and Dan was kissing him again. They had had a good time, going to the cinema and eating ice cream together in the park. They watched TV together for a while before Dan decided it was time for bed. He held Phil close to him and spooned him as he fell asleep. Phil laid awake until 2:30, a perfect time to leave. He lifted Dan’s arm off his body and heard him stir. He froze, not moving until Dan’s breathing settled again. What would Dan do if he caught him running away? He doesn’t want to think about it. Dan’s breath settled again and Phil slowly moved off the bed. He padded across the large bedroom and into the living room, heading to the closet to get his bag and leave. He reached down, got his bag and put it on his shoulder. He then twisted the knob, pulling the door open only to feel it slip from his grasp as a hand pushed it shut.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Dan growled in his ear.

Phil’s eyes widened. “I need to leave,” he whispered.

Dan turned him around and punched him in the gut. “Why?”

“You keep hurting me, Dan!” he shouted.

“That’s because you never do what I say. If you followed the rules, there wouldn’t be bloody problem!” Dan grabbed him by his shirt and threw him into the kitchen causing him to fall to the floor. “You aren’t leaving,” Dan said menacingly. “Not if I can help it.”

Phil scrambled to his feet and saw a newly washed knife shining in their drainer in the corner of his eye. He grabbed it from the drying rack near the sink, and held it up. “Don’t touch me!” he screamed.

“Phil, put that down. You might hurt yourself,” Dan said frustrated like a parent would to a child.

“Stay the fuck away from me.”

“Tsk. tsk,” Dan tutted getting closer still. “Such language…” Dan lunged forward at him and they struggled for the knife. It fell to the ground and when Phil bent down to pick it up again, Dan kicked him in the face. That didn’t stop Phil from punching him right in the groin and reaching for the knife. Dan fell to the ground, writhing in pain but eventually focused in on Phil again. Phil had gotten the knife and was heading for the door. Dan got up and ran after him, pulling him back and choking him with his forearm. Phil elbowed him and he released his grip just enough for Phil to open the door. He ran out of the apartment, and into the stairwell, knowing the elevator would be too slow. He was three flights down before he saw Dan again, running after him. Dan was catching up, so Phil moved faster. He tripped on his own feet halfway down and twisted his ankle. He forced himself up against the wall, wielding the knife in front of Dan.

“You see? You did hurt yourself. Now, put the knife down,” Dan said in a harsh whisper because of the echo. No one else needed to know about this.

“No.”

Dan grabbed Phil’s wrist tightly and drew closer to him. He turned his wrist so that the knife was now facing Phil. Phil struggled against his grip. The knife changed direction a few times and then someone screamed out.

Dan’s mouth hung open and the blood poured out of his mouth. With his last breath he groaned, “I loved you.” He fell to the ground and Phil still hadn’t opened his eyes yet to see who had been stabbed. He looked down to see a puddle of red below his boyfriend and screamed in horror. Dan’s eyes were wide open and he wasn’t blinking. He was dead. Phil had killed him. He didn’t stop to think about what had happened. He needed to get help. Phil stepped over his body carefully and limped into the hallway of the floor they were on. He knocked on a random door and young woman answered. She saw the blood on his clothes and nearly shut the door in his face.

“No, please. I’m hurt. I need to call 999.”

She let him in and grabbed her phone, dialing for him. She handed it over and Phil spoke to the operator.

“Emergency, which service do you require?”

“I just stabbed my boyfriend to death.”

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on tumblr  
> [dannihowell](https://danni-howell.tumblr.com/)


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